Teaching: A Blissful Struggle

Teachers always say that they never have favorite students. That is a lie. I have only had classes for two full weeks and I can tell you who my favorite students are, and which are my favorite classes. Teachers are allowed to have favorite students. It's impossible to refuse to connect more with a student that attends class regularly, participates, and makes an effort to improve. Teachers are allowed to recognize that. What teachers are not allowed to do is show favoritism in their classes. I cannot give extra credit just because one of my students is nicer than the other. Teachers may reward good efforts on an objective basis after making the entire class aware of the opportunity to receive it. But not showing favoritism is really hard. A challenging class can really grab your emotions, frustrate you, or even discourage you to the point that your performance as a teacher declines. I had not experienced that until today. I have one class in particular in which, no matter what I do, half the class is unmotivated and unwilling to try. I'm a pretty trusting and nice person (sometimes to my own disadvantage) and it's not difficult to get me to like you. Things like showing up to class on-time, not answering your phone or leaving the room in the middle of an exercise are things that make me pretty happy. So when my first class this morning trickled in more than 20 minutes late, left the room for no particular reason and refused to participate, I got pissed off. I literally took someone's phone away and told the person to whom they were talking (yeah, they actually answered their phone in class!) that they were in class and had to call them back. I also kicked someone out of the room and marked them absent for the day, and I also deducted points from a quiz that has not been taken yet because someone refused to do the assigned presentation. It's really frustrating. I want people to understand that if they don't test my rules, I will never have to turn into Mrs. Trunchbull and freak out. Pretty simple right? But in addition to making me angry, it also gets me really down on myself. I want to be that heroic teacher from all those corny movies that motivates the lower-class kids to do something that no one thought they could. I take it personally when students don't want to learn. On the other hand, when students want to learn and show enthusiasm, I feel like my performance improves. I get so excited that they're excited, and we feed off each other: they learn more because I teach better, but I teach better because they want to learn more. I have two students that made my day by asking if I would be here all year, because they wanted to take my class next semester. Another student stays after every class to go over his notes with me and make sure that he understands all the concepts. They laugh at my stupid jokes and my broken Spanish slang, and they participate in the games. I guess that these students make it all worth it. The buzz that I get after teaching a totally awesome class is almost as good as the runner's buzz I get after pounding out a few miles of pavement. I go home in a stellar mood, and I get excited to plan the next class. I just keep telling myself that maybe between the phone calls, trips to the bathroom and pencils being thrown across the room I can slip in a few words or phrases that they will remember. And for those students who are not texting and keeping their pencils in their hands, maybe I can provide an actual education. Or part of one at least.